So for those of you who don’t have to play in Conference Championship Games – heal baby, heal. And for those of you who are playing in your Conference Championship or Title Game, the College Football Voice wishes you the best of luck.

Other television listings for this week are (All times Eastern. Please check  your local listings):
Thursday, 12/1/2011
[ESPN] 8:00 p.m. West Virginia at South Florida

Friday, 12/2/2011
[ESPN2] 7:00 p.m. MAC Title Game (Ohio vs. Northern Illinois)
[FOX] 8:00 p.m. Pac-12 Championship Game (Oregon vs. UCLA)

Saturday, 12/3/2011
[ABC] 12:00 p.m. C-USA Title Game (Southern Miss at Houston)
[ESPN] 12:00 p.m. UConn at Cincinnati
[ESPN2] 12:00 p.m. Syracuse at Pittsburgh
[FSN] 12:30 p.m. Iowa State at Kansas State
[The Mtn.] 2:00 p.m. Wyoming at Colorado State
[Versus] 2:30 p.m. UNLV at TCU
[ABC] 3:30 p.m. Texas at Baylor
[CBS] 4:00 p.m. SEC Championship Game (LSU vs. Georgia)
[WAC] 4:00 p.m. Idaho at Nevada
[Sun Belt] 4:30 p.m. Troy at Arkansas State
[The Mtn.] 6:00 p.m. New Mexico at Boise State
[ESPN2] 7:30 p.m. BYU at Hawaii
[ABC] 8:00 p.m. Oklahoma at Oklahoma State
[CBSSN] 8:00 p.m. Fresno State at San Diego State
[ESPN] 8:00 p.m. ACC Title Game (Virginia Tech vs. Clemson)
[FOX] 8:00 p.m. Big Ten Championship Game (Michigan State vs. Wisconsin)

With the general mediocrity of SEC football this year, there isn’t a lot to get excited about. The geeks hope there are some upsets so they can finagle Oklahoma State into the National Championship game and finally go off in their tube socks. The hypocrites hope for the same thing so they can look smug and say that they told us so. No such luck weasels. You could just be forced to watch the two best teams in college football play for the NC, as much as you hate it. They will at least earn the chance, the only question is what the voters decide to do about it.

Big news? Florida fans, who were hit in the head by Urban Meyer’s 2X4 this year got a kick in the nuts when it became just paperwork and courtesy before old Ambo joins the team that Gators love to taunt the most about an ancient win. This is Houston Nutt’s and probably Joker Phillips’ last game week in the SEC. Nutt had plenty of opportunities and Kentucky can’t afford to give Joker any more. Will Ole Miss bring back Big O? Will Kentucky offer Bill Curry? No, but they might be contacting some of the same guys.

We went 6-2 last week, to bring the short regular season to a close at 23-10. Thanks Vandy and Bulldawgs, you screwed me again.

Arkansas @ LSU(-14)   There is a lot of wishful thinking going around the internets about Arkansas beating LSU. The Pigs are a good football team, but they are incapable of protecting Tyler Wilson against a good pass rush. LSU’s is relentless. The template is there . Against Alabama Wilson’s exit was reminiscent of Roberto Duran. Get all dressed up Razorbacks, you are going to Dallas.

Cotton Bowl Bound

LSU covers

Florida State(-2) @ Florida    Both of these teams failed on a very high level this year, but the Gators took crappy to new heights. i’m not sure this team has the guts to play 60 minutes of football against even a marginally decent team and that is what the Seminoles are – marginally decent. I keep hearing that EJ Manuel is now good, he really is. Too bad he is good on Wednesday, when nobody sees him and not on Saturdays. Facing ACC defenses can make any QB look good, but he still fails. Florida has no QB, no offensive line, no receivers, midgets at running back and no defense, but they do have that decided schematic advantage.

Guru Guy

Florida covers

Georgia(-5.5) @ Georgia Tech     This is harder to predict than it should be. Georgia has been playing pretty good football for about a month or two and have gotten decidedly better. Georgia Yech is still kind of schizophrenic. I don’t have much confidence in the Bees, but I don’t have much faith in betting against them either. Orson Charles has a draft position  enhancing day and the Dawgs outscore the Jackets. This should be a good college football game and I would not be shocked if it went either way.

Georgia covers

Tennessee(-7) @ Kentucky    Now this game is what we call LOLZ. Poor old Joker will soon be unemployed, but poor old Derek will still be wearing orange pants. Who has it worse? The fact that the Vols are only favored by 7 tells us how bad these teams are. I’m smelling an upset or is that just the stench of loser? But really, how can you not cheer for the Cats?

Daddy's little girl

Kentucky covers

Ole Miss @ Mississippi State(-17)     By now, we are seeing a theme – the SEC really sucks this year. I am so freaking weary of hearing how great Dan Mullen is. Win something worth bragging about and then call me.  This is also Houston Nutt’s last game as the head Rebel. It is really a sad occasion for anyone who loves the truly insane. The Ole Miss family is going to miss him nearly as much as they miss canker sores .

RIP Rev

Ole Miss covers

Vanderbilt(-1) @ Wake Forest    The Commodores have been getting some attention by winning more than three games, but except for losing to Florida, they have only won games they should win. They did play both Georgia and Arkansas to within 3 points, so there is something there. Wake Forest has done pretty much the same thing, though they are already bowl eligible and Vandy needs this win to get to Shreveport or Birmingham. What the fuck, why not go with the home team? They do have a bad ass mascot.

The Fighting Commodore

Vandy covers

Clemson @ South Carolina (-4)   Is this Steve Spurrier’s last year? Chances are no, but maybe that Kentucky job is looking good. If he can get the Gamecocks to 9 win seasons, he can do it anywhere. The Garcia Experiment failed and though they have good athletes, this is still the Cocks, eventually they will explode. Of course, Clemson did the Clemson. I don’t care what the reasons or excuses, they did what Clemson does. Dabo did provide some entertainment, with his manic depressive, Jr. High girl who just got felt up for the first time act. I’m not buying his greatness yet, sorry. I do think they are probably better than the Cocks though, if they can just pretend to have a defense for four quarters. There is nothing Tiger fans enjoy more than beating the Cocks.

Dabo gets his rock off

Clemson covers

Alabama(-21) @ Auburn   “The Arn Bowl Paawwwwwl. Ware gonna whup ‘um. Gunna tar ‘um a new un.” Nick Saban needs a big win to put a lock on that NCG chance. The Yankee voters and the mentally ill bloggers and message board/mama’s basement dwelling underworld do not want the #1 and 2 teams to play again. Auburn definitely doesn’t. They are not through milking last year, though they will be able to for 53 more years, until the next one. A big Bama win will temporarily stop some of the shrieking though. Of course, by Monday,  Paawwwwwl and the rest of us will get to hear the conspiracy theories. And don’t forget those damn trees and Texas’ favorite state trooper, Harvey Updyke. That is good for another 20 years of whining.

The Tide is just too good to consider the liklihood of one of those rivalry upsets. I think that they will really show up Saturday and we are looking at maybe the worst beating in many years. The Tigers have no answer for Richardson/Lacey/Fowler and no means to stop the Bama defense from battering their quarterbacks. Auburn students will be ble to wipe their ass Sunday, the few who do that will anyway, because there will be plenty of toilet paper left on the Plains.

Throw that at your damn trees

Bama kicks ass Paawwwwwl

This is Thanksgiving week, and that usually means rivalry week. The Battle for the Golden Boot will be played in Baton Rouge and the Iron Bowl will be played in Auburn. The winner of Stanford and Notre Dame will get the Legends Trophy, which is an Irish crystal trophy on a California redwood base. Evidently I haven’t been paying attention to that one, shame on my Notre Dame friends for not keeping me edumacated. Virginia and Virginia Tech will be playing for the Black Diamond Trophy, and though sweet tea automatically comes to my mind evidently the Virginians are talking about coal, or ‘black diamond’. Huh, go figure. USC and UCLA fight for the Victory Bell, Oregon and Oregon State fight what they call the Civil War and the winner will receive the Platypus Trophy. Hell baby, don’t tell those boys nothing was civil about what most people in this country call the War Between the States. But I digress, Boise State will be playing Wyoming and I can’t figure out if there’s a rivalry there or not. A quick look at Wikipedia (no, I don’t keep up with Boise State Rivalries) will tell you that Boise has had past “rivalry” games with Idaho, Fresno State, Hawaii, Nevada and TCU. Houston and Tulsa will play what Bleacher Report refers to as a “Wild Rivalry” I can’t figure out if that’s an actually rivalry title, or just some sportswriter wanting to have something nice to say about Tulsa when all they really want to talk about is Case Keenum because he is “the nation’s leading passer, threw six touchdown passes in last season’s rout of Tulsa and is coming off of a career-best 559-yard performance last week.”

Yeah, I kind of like him too, but you’ve got to admit he’s still no Trent Richardson, bless his heart.

Others receiving votes this week: Georgia, Michigan State, Kansas State and Oklahoma.

Other listings for this week, Bon Apetit!

All times eastern, please check local listings

11/22/2011
[ESPN2] 8:00 p.m. Miami (Ohio) at Ohio

11/24/2011
[ESPNU] 4:00 p.m. Tuskegee at Alabama A&M
[ESPN] 8:00 p.m. Texas at Texas A&M

11/25/2011
[ESPN2] 11:00 a.m. Louisville at South Florida
[ESPNU] 11:00 a.m. Eastern Michigan at Northern Illinois
[ABC] 12:00 p.m. Iowa at Nebraska
[FSN] 12:00 p.m. Houston at Tulsa
[ESPN3.com] 2:00 p.m. Toledo at Ball State
[CBS] 2:30 p.m. Arkansas at LSU
[ABC] 3:30 p.m. Boston College at Miami (Fla.)
[FSN] 3:30 p.m. Colorado at Utah
[CBSSN] 7:00 p.m. UTEP at Central Florida
[ESPN] 7:00 p.m. Pittsburgh at West Virginia
[ESPN] 10:15 p.m. California at Arizona State

11/26/2011
[ABC] 12:00 p.m. Ohio State at Michigan
[Big East] 12:00 p.m. Cincinnati at Syracuse
[Big Ten] 12:00 p.m. Michigan State at Northwestern
[ESPN] 12:00 p.m. Georgia at Georgia Tech
[ESPN2] 12:00 p.m. Rutgers at UConn
[FSN] 12:00 p.m. Missouri at Kansas
[FSN] 12:00 p.m. Rice at SMU
[FX] 12:00 p.m. Iowa State at Oklahoma
[SEC] 12:21 p.m. Tennessee at Kentucky
[ACC] 12:30 p.m. Maryland at N.C. State
[Sun Belt] 12:30 p.m. Troy at Western Kentucky
[The Mtn.] 2:00 p.m. Wyoming at Boise State
[WAC] 3:00 p.m. Nevada at Utah State
[ABC] 3:30 p.m. Oregon State at Oregon
[ABC] 3:30 p.m. Virginia Tech at Virginia
[Big Ten] 3:30 p.m. Illinois at Minnesota
[Big Ten] 3:30 p.m. Purdue at Indiana
[CBS] 3:30 p.m. Alabama at Auburn
[CBSSN] 3:30 p.m. East Carolina at Marshall
[ESPN] 3:30 p.m. Penn State at Wisconsin
[ESPNU] 3:30 p.m. Vanderbilt at Wake Forest
[FSN] 3:30 p.m. Kansas vs. Missouri
[RSN] 3:30 p.m. Duke at North Carolina
[CSS] 4:00 p.m. Memphis at Southern Miss
[ERT] 4:00 p.m. New Mexico State at Louisiana Tech
[The Mtn.] 6:00 p.m. Air Force at Colorado State
[ESPN2] 7:00 p.m. Florida State at Florida
[ESPNU] 7:00 p.m. Ole Miss at Mississippi State
[FSN] 7:00 p.m. Baylor at Texas Tech
[Versus] 7:30 p.m. Washington State at Washington
[ESPN] 7:45 p.m. Clemson at South Carolina
[ABC] 8:00 p.m. Notre Dame at Stanford
[FX] 8:00 p.m. Iowa State at Oklahoma
[FSN] 10:00 p.m. UCLA at USC
[The Mtn.] 10:00 p.m. San Diego State at UNLV

Will we have a surprise?

This is the week before THE week. While some teams play conference games, others take on the French Army in search of an easy win. Vanderbilt does both. There just isn’t much to put on TV, with all of the DIAA teams on the schedule, so we get Mississippi State/Arkansas on CBS. This may actually be a good game, but it will be the only one. Once again, my eyes will be focused westward, on USC/Oregon.

Anybody have a sister or a grandmother with at least one leg? Have her call Nick Saban in Tuscaloosa. He might have an athletic scholarship for her. Joker Phillips and Houston Nutt will just take warm bodies. Meanwhile, LSU makes it look easy, Florida fans are now focused on basketball and Auburn is still all in.

We were a dismal 4-3 last week, thanks to kickers, lack of offense and some weird dream about Ole Miss winning a football game. That brings the record down to 17-8 for the short year.

Furman @ Florida (No line)   The Paladins are 1 – 2 against this week’s other SEC cupcakes. This could be one game where Charlie Weis may actually have a decided schematic advantage. I don’t think this season can end quickly enough for Gator fans. They will likely end up with a 6 – 6 record and take Kentucky’s spot in the Music City Bowl. I have to think that Will Muschamp knew this season was lost from the beginning and is doing the work he must do to wipe away the abomination that he was left and and turn this program into what it should be. And Charlie Weis has another bowl of chili.

Florida wins

Vanderbilt (-1.5) @ Tennessee   This is going to be an incredibly embarrassing day for Mr. Dooley. Gen. Neyland was hired in Knoxville for the express purpose of beating Vandy. Will that be the next coach’s charge? Barbara’s baby boy has a bad team. James Franklin has an adequate one.

Vandy covers

Mississippi State @ Arkansas (-13)    The Bulldogs have the kind of defense that can give Arkansas fits. The Pig OL is still letting guys into the backfield and MSU’s DL is relentless. Alas, they just really have no offense to speak of and even Arky’s mediocre defense should be able to hold them to a couple of touchdowns.

Arkansas covers

LSU (-29) @ Ole Miss   The Rebels are to college football what Phil Collins was to rock and roll – soft, bland, hard to digest and devoid of talent.  The only way LSU doesn’t beat them by 50 is if they start putting people on the bench in the 1st quarter to keep them rested for next week. The curse of the Rev continues, even as he is napping on Saturday afternoons. I think Les Miles’ job is safe for one more week.

LSU covers

Kentucky @ Georgia (-31)     If Ole Miss is the Phil Collins of the SEC, then Kentucky is Sting. Somehow you think they should be better, but in the end their product is just putrid. Too bad, by all accounts, Joker Phillips is a nice guy. He will be a great offensive coordinator for some team next year. It is hard to imagine Georgia and Mark Richt not screwing up somehow or just quitting, but it is harder still to imagine Kentucky not just scratching its collective ass and ignoring it. Damn, this is probably the hardest pick of the week.

Georgia covers

The Citadel @ South Carolina (No line)    The Cocks v. The Corps. There has to be a joke there, but I will leave it to you to find it.  Too bad the Bulldogs have no chance, it would be fun to drive down King Street and view the wholesale destruction the Cadets’ celebration would inflict on the bars of Charleston. Meanwhile, from his ashram in Panama City Beach, Stephen Garcia had this to say, “Huh?”

South Carolina wins

Samford @ Auburn (No line)    They are honoring Pat Sullivan’s Heisman from 40 years ago this Saturday on the Plains. Pat is the head coach at Samford. It is nice to see Sullivan back in the Tiger family fold after a few tense years, I guess he is all in again, but the hospitality stops there. Auburn just cannot lose to Samford, it just isn’t done you see? Actually, the Bulldogs aren’t very good. Neither is Auburn, but they suck on a higher level. Don’t expect Bobby Lowder to be on the phone to Tommy Tuberville, trying to lure him from Texas Tech, or even discreetly calling Mike Leach.

Auburn wins

Georgia Southern @ Alabama (No line)   Ever since Erskine Russell drug his bad ass out of Athens and landed in Statesboro, the Eagles have been a tough, competitive team in DIAA. His Georgia defenses, The Junkyard Dawgs, were legendary and he started the Georgia Southern program from scratch, winning three national championships in nine years. Erk was one of the great “unknown” coaches and a very funny man.

Erk Russell

None of that is important here, I was just feeling nostalgic. The Eagles are 9-1, losing only to Appalachian State. That doesn’t matter. they run the triple option. That doesn’t matter. Their saving grace is that Bama is still a little beat up and will be resting a lot of players. They are also fortunate that Nick Saban does not care about your Heisman trophy, thank you, and Trent Richardson is only likely to see much action after halftime if Eddie Lacey’s turf toe is still bothering him. None of that matters either. Mal Moore should be waterboarded for scheduling this game.

Alabama wins

 Let’s dive in and take a look at the facts here:

 #1 Argument: Well if he went to a school with resources he would be able to hire a big name DC and his defense would no longer be the problem:

 Seriously? First of all his DCs were paid competitively and he had a very well respected DC in Lyle Setencich. Setencich was coming off a complete transformation of Cal’s defense. He had taken them from the worst defense in the PAC-10 to the top defense in just 3 seasons. He comes to Texas Tech with a very solid resume and was a top name with ties to Leach. Also on his staff was a guy named Ruffin McNiell who is now a head coach at East Carolina. The staff was not Mike Leach’s issue here nor was talent.

 So, he had a quality staff so what was the issue? I will tell you what it was…His offense plays hell on a defense. I don’t care what anyone says, pass first offenses make it tough on a defense. Running the ball, wearing down defenses, and being able to control the clock and time of possession is a very important and overlooked necessity in college football. But how would he know that? He never played a down of football. 3 incomplete passes and the defense is back on the field with less than 10 seconds off the game clock. This makes for a long game for a defense! Even the most successful spreads have to have a running game! He needs to add 6 more index cards to his offense and develop a power running game before his offense is complete! How many times did he lose games in the 4^th quarter because he couldn’t control the clock? Let me answer…more than is worth counting.

 And don’t forget, Ruffin gave him the top total defense in the Big 12, Top Pass Defense, and 4^th in Scoring Defense and he still didn’t win the Big 12! Then to top it off, they went and lost to a mediocre Ole Miss team in the bowl game.

 #2 argument: All he did was win?

 Really, well let’s take a look at this in more detail why don’t we, Leach Lovers about! His record, when you just look at it summarized, are impressive no doubt. Kind of like judging a book by it’s cover or a movie by it’s title! Leach piled up wins against lower tier teams and struggled against quality competition.

 Resume:

No losing seasons, (4) 8 win seasons, (3) 9 win seasons, (1) 11 win season. And an 84-43 overall record! Wow, that’s not too shabby huh? I STRONGLY disagree…yes you fucking Leaches, I said strongly!

Let’s break it down a little bit to show why numbers can be made to look better than they actually are! His home record was 53-11 which is very respectable but his road record was a stellar 31-32. When you take into account that there was only 2 seasons he played a regular season OOC BCS school. That in itself pretty much ensures you 4 wins a year. (actually lost 2 OOC non BCS games against ECU and TCU). In their OOC BCS games they were 6-6 under Leach and overall 5-4 in Bowl Games.

 Now let’s break it down even further! Against his in-state rivals Baylor, Texas A&M, and Texas he was 19-11. Not bad right? Wrong! 10 were against an awful Baylor, 7 against an A&M program that was dreadfully down, and only 2 against the Longhorns. I wouldn’t call that fantastic! Add in TCU, and they were 20-12.

 Now look at his showing in conference! 5 out of the 10 years he was .500 or below so that would make him a middle of the pack team. In a state like Texas that is loaded with high school talent, that is not good enough to impress me! Don’t give me they could not recruit! A coaches job is to recruit players to their system, develop them, and win games. See the Boise, TCU, and Virginia Tech’s of the world. They are never world beaters on the recruiting trail but they still seem to win. A GREAT coach, which is what many think Leach is, would be able to grab left over talent in the state of Texas and create a winning team. You give Gary Patterson the talent Leach has and he wins at least 2 or 3 division titles.

 Put this guy in the SEC where he will play in some of the most hostile environments in the country and let’s see how the Pirate fairs. He couldn’t hold Richt’s jock strap, much less Saban, Spurrier, or Miles’. Not to mention the DB’s are bigger, faster, stronger and the defensive lines wreck havoc. He would have to establish a more diverse offense to have a chance.

 Argument #3: Put him at a big time program, let him start winning and ESPN and the nation will forget about what he has done?

 Let’s face it, in today’s society negative recruiting is huge on the recruiting trail. Leach was constantly fined for insubordination, vocal about his non Christian beliefs (see youtube videos), and constantly trashing of his players. Who the hell wants to send their kid to play for a guy like this?

 First of all who wants to hire a coach that makes every disagreement with NCAA, Conference, Administration, etc a public matter. The guy has no filter on his mouth and constantly puts himself in the spotlight of the media when he doesn’t get his way. He uses the media as crutch! He whines and cries more than my two year old son. He is arrogant and as self-centered as any one individual in college football. Mike Leach is about Mike Leach and doesn’t give a rats ass about anyone else around him.

 Secondly, you mention programs in the ACC and SEC being good fits for him. Really, you would let this guy walk into a home in the south with his non Christian views and try to get “ma” and “pa” to support their son, who is an active FCA participant and Sunday church goer, playing football for a guy who is going to constantly trash “their God.” This just isn’t going to work in the bible belt of America. Good luck with that one. I don’t like bringing religion into football discussions but you hear about “coaching staffs faith” more and more in recruiting articles! May not like it, but it is a fact and utilized on the recruiting trail. Facts are facts.

 Thirdly, ESPN would trash him so much it would make it damn near impossible for the guy to be successful. You talk about he couldn’t recruit in one of the best football states in America before all of this, put him somewhere that he had to recruit multiple states. ESPN would see to it that their was so much negative publicity that parents everywhere would be weary of having their child play for him. ESPN cannot afford to hold a grudge with a big named program but they can in round about ways discredit the hire and show the negative impact that Leach had on Texas Techs program.

 People can spin things anyway they want but when you truly look at the overall body of work that Leach did, was it really that impressive? Sure he put up a lot of points but gave up just as much. So would I take a chance hiring a guy with a losing record on the road, zero conference championships in a decade, a black eye in the college football media world, and a guy that will air everything he doesn’t like about my university to the public? Place him in a program with more TV exposure so that he gets more opportunities to embarrass himself and my university? No way in hell I take that chance with all the young, talented coaches that are available. I don’t see enough reward to take the risk. Remember 99% of lawyers give the other 1% a bad name and let me tell ya, Leach is one of the leaders in that 99%. Guy is a complete jack ass!

 Do I believe he could come in and win 8-9 games a year, place me in an above average bowl, compete, put fans in the seats, and give me some damn good interviews? Absolutely!

 Is that enough for me to risk the reputation of my program? Not on your life! He is the satin version of Tommy Bowden.

The big league news was the firing of Houston Nutt. While inevitable, it is still a great loss to those of us who love the true characters of college football, as well as the occasional train wreck. So long Rev., we will miss you.

The big news this week is, of course, outside the SEC. The tragedy in State College has been given assassination type coverage on ESPN and sports radio. I hope it is not even necessary to mention how we feel for the victims, but we don’t want to forget the players and student body, who are a great part of the sport we love. We hope that it is remembered that they are innocent in this and just love their team and school. When I was there earlier this year, we were treated better than ever before and enjoyed watching a game sitting among spirited and knowledgeable fans. Best wishes to you all.

The best game, Game of the Century II  if you will, is set for Palo Alto on Saturday. Stanford v. Oregon could be to those who favor great offensive games what Bama/LSU was to the rest of us. I think these are the third and fourth best teams in the country and watching this one is obligatory for any fan.

*Bonus pick – Stanford wins.*

We were 5 – 2 last week, thanks to Nick’s Folly and Kentucky’s surprising stab at mediocrity. That brings us to 12 – 5 for the last three weeks, respectable, but still not enough to fund the trip to Carnival’ next year. Maybe this week will help:

Tennessee @ Arkansas(-14)    On the surface this looks like a sure blowout for the Pigs and it may well be. However, there is a wild card in the hand – The Vols have shown that they can get to the quarterback and Arkansas has allowed Tyler Wilson to be gotten. Overall, the Razorback defense is still a little better and their offense is miles beyond whatever it is that Tennessee fields.

Arkansas covers

Auburn @ Georgia(-13)      Just watch third down. Auburn’s offense can’t stay on the field and their defense can’t get off.  The Bulldogs are among the best at defending third down and with Crowell back, a first down off of third and short looks almost obligatory against the sorry Tiger D.

Georgia covers

Florida @ South Carolina  OFF     It is really difficult to choose the least dysfunctional between these two. If either had a viable FBS level QB, that would be the choice. I guess the Cock defense is a little better and the Gators probably have Demps and/or Rainey, so that is about even. The Gators had one of the most vaunted defensive lines in the country, pre season. This is the game to prove they are even good. SCAR’s offensive line is pitiful and whoever plays QB will be a sitting duck. Meanwhile, somebody should be able to cover Alshon Jeffrey, not that it matters. No SCAR QB has been able to find that fat load all year.  It comes down to just gut feeling and mine is that Carolina folds first.

Florida wins

Kentucky @ Vanderbilt(-13)     I find it difficult to even talk about the Wildcats, much less find anything worthy to write about them. Vandy, on the other hand, is headed to a minor bowl. The Commodores will roll.

Vandy covers

Western Kentucky @ LSU(-41.5)     Tyrann Mathieu once again gets to play against a team more suitable to his capabilities. Since he did nothing more than one cheap hit last week, he should be well rested and ready for some heroics against the Hilltoppers. WKU is on a five game win streak, but that ends here. LSU is beat up and coming off of their mst emotionally charged game in decades, but does anyone think that really matters? 42 points though…..

Western Kentucky covers

Louisiana Tech(-2.5) @ Ole Miss     

Fartootst is dead

Nutt Sacked

Ole Miss covers

Alabama(-18) @ Mississippi State    The experts say that Bama is pissed off, looking for revenge, wants to save the season and however many other timeless and meaningless cliches you want to add to the list. I wish it worked like that. Three key members of the team were seriously injured and others aggravated old injuries. Trent Richardson will play, but he is not 100%. I want to see how the team psyche recovers from last week. If they come out fighting and take control of the game, then my regard for Nick Saban remains high. If not, then coupled with last week’s questionable game callin, I have to reassess. I’m going on faith here.

Alabama covers

We were 3-2 for the week, falling to 7-3 for this abbreviated season.

Tennessee - Martin @ Mississippi State(-31)   Mullen’s  Mullets should be able to handle the Skyhawks with ease. Should. UTM only lost by one point to Jacksonville State, whatever that means, and are sitting on a 5-3 record. Oh, who am I trying to kid? MSU will not even need both QBs.

Bulldogs cover

Middle Tennessee @ Tennessee(-20)  Now the Vols finally get a team that they can stay with for four quarters. The Blue Raiders are 3 – 5, if you count their Spring Game, which they do. They won that one 67 – 60 by the way. On the other hand, Tennessee lost their own Spring Game.  This should give Justin Worley some needed game reps, though it should be more like throwing the ball through a tire in the backyard than a game.

Volunteers cover

South Carolina @ Arkansas(-5)   This is the other big game in SEC football this week. It has been largely overlooked, due to the hype in Tuscaloosa. South Carolina has a defensive line that is very capable of pressuring Tyler Wilson. It will be interesting to see if he can stand up to continuous pounding by the Cocks. If he can connect on his downfield game and the Pigs get their vertical rushing game going, Carolina really has no answer. Arkansas’ defense is just good enough to live through whatever lucky throws Connor Shaw might make.

Arkansas covers

Vanderbilt @ Florida(-13)   There is suddenly some question about this game. Who would have ever thought? Vanderbilt has a pretty decent pass defense, but that doesn’t matter because Florida can’t throw. The Commodore’s run D is more suspect, so that could be a problem. Vandy runs the ball pretty well and the Gators have had trouble stopping the run. Maybe Weis is going to unleash some of that hell he never used in the Alabama game? Thirteen is too many points for Charlie’s version of hell to overcome.

Charlie unleashing hell/ getty images

Vanderbilt covers

New Mexico State @ Georgia(-34)   No running backs? No matter. I don’t know if this is one of those western teams on the verge of breaking into the big time, there are so many I can’t keep up. No matter there either. The Aggies have a decent offense, but no defense whatsoever. Still, it is hard to imagine the Bulldogs winning by that much. It is also difficult to think they won’t.

Georgia covers

Ole Miss(-1.5) @ Kentucky   Cyanide? Check.  Loaded .45? Check.  Volunteering at a PMS clinic? Check. I will do anything to avoid watching this game.

                                                                                                                                    Ole Miss covers

LSU @ Alabama(-5)    There is really nothing to be said that hasn’t been covered. Some of what has been written and said is even accurate. The consensus seems to be that Bama is favored, but can’t win, because all LSU has to do is stop everything that the Tide does. As easy as that. Of course, I haven’t read that the reverse is true. It has been written that LSU will smother Trent Richardson because Bama won’t pass, though the pass/run percentage is almost equal. Alabama almost always loosens up the defense with passes. LSU and Bama are the best that either team will face this year. Both pressure the QB and control the middle, just begging teams to pass into excellent secondaries. Both have 3 very good runners, some good receivers and adequate QBs. The coaches may be the two best in the business. Forget anything we have heard and said about Les being a loose cannon, crazy or most of all, lucky. Luck doesn’t win 10 games a year in the SEC. Both coaches are firm believers in disciplined play, just take different approaches. I like Saban’s approach, but we may see that the more freewheeling style is the better of the two.

Yes, I know turnovers, blah, blah, blah, will decide the game. It decides every game. Who is still sharp, focused and energetic in the fourth quarter will win this game. Producing field advancement while Richardson or Fowler stay in the backfield to help with Sam Montgomery will be key for Alabama. Barrett Jones can handle it on most plays, but if two come from that side, it will be rough.

The LSU offensive line has to keep the Bama D off of their QBs. Both have been easy to rattle in the past and there is no reason to think that they will not start heaving the ball anywhere, just to get rid of it. They have done that against every single team with a good pass rush that they have faced in the last four years.

Birmingham News photo

I think 4.5 – 5 points is too many, though I think the difference will be more. Somebody will find the weakness and exploit it before the situation is mended. Neither D is the type you want to try to come back from a two TD deficit against. In this regard, my money is on the Saban/Smart braintrust over the very capable John Chavis.

Alabama covers

Auburn done be idle.

  “ Thousands upon thousands of  folks attend football services every Saturday during the fall, not to bow at the altar, but to stand in the bleachers and cheer on their personal saviors who believe they can lead their team to the promised land of a national championship “

“The definition of an atheist in Alabama is someone who doesn’t believe in Bear Bryant.”

“Purdue is putting the boots to Illinois (Zook could get a phone call from the Nueheisle this evening)”

“Clemson is taking those candy ass Tarheels to the woodshed right now, what the hell is a tarheel anyway?”

“I’m a sucker for a bacon cheeseburger.”

“either way I am betting the city is about to declare him mayor, king, or whatever else he wants now. “

“Quite the evening, as Sparty skins Bucky Badger in overtime “

“ Another Bluegrass miracle! Kentucky stuns Jacksonville State. “

“Now it’s time to slap around some orange hillbillies. “

“Bless your Rocky Top Heart Doc! It’ll get better “

“Why are gringos running around naked in my village? “  ( –University of Arizona vs UCLA )

“it seems like the winds of revolution are blowing “

“I am told that those Cowbells can be annoying as well. “

“And there’s Weiss, 3 ax handles across the ass, sitting on a cooler while the defense was on the field.”

“just to be clear, the QB is the guy that holds the fat guy’s balls right? “

“ I’ve seen them on Mount Rushmore with Duke and Vanderbilt. “

“Making fun of OhioState is soooooo MSNBC “

“ Things You Just Don’t See Anymore “  ……  -  ……  -  ……..  “ How aboutMichigan on New Years Day??? “

“Mark may not be drunk for the game, but he will baptize a few Gators “

“Because where you see one set of footprints in the turf leading into the endzone? That’s where Tebow carried him. “

“A&M needs to learn how to finish a game if they want to last in the SEC. “

“I can’t figure this one out. It’s kind of like lukewarm water or flat coke – just not good “

“Anything I say about the game might sound like I’m taking credit away from Georgia- and I don’t want that – but it was damn sure ugly.”

“Holy Shit! I’m getting too old for this. Good thing I was self-medicated. “

“Mizzou and A&M. In the words of Freddy, “How sweet, fresh meat!!”

“War Eagle y’all! “

Georgia(-3) @ Florida    The Cocktail Party is always worth a watch, whether the teams are good or not. Georgia has steadily improved as the season has progressed and Isaiah Crowell has been the linchpin. The rushing defense is pretty good, but the pass defense barely adequate. Florida played absolutely nobody, then the two best teams in the country, two weeks in a row, so they are little harder to gauge. The Auburn game may be the best barometer. I just don’t think the Gators have it this year. It will take awhile and apparently some housecleaning for Muschamp to get this team in order and back on track. I don’t think the return of the guy fans considered one of the worst QBs in history, but who assumed All American potential status while sitting on the bench, is the answer. I don’t think the mutant pile of ego running the offense is the answer either. Charlie Weiss is a Kardashian, famous for making a lot of money by doing nothing.  An offensive line that can block, a power runner to block for and receivers who can catch the ball consistently, plus throw brownfield blocks, is the answer. The defense, by all accounts, is full of talented young men. Still they suck. The line has no direction, the very talented linebackers do not seem to know what the other is doing and make way too many mental errors. Urban Meyer left a mess that is much worse than could be imagined, unless you were paying attention. Mark Richt has not displayed the cockiness that used to be so annoying in a few years and the Dawgs have been the worse for it. He also let Tebow out – Holy Roller him and it seemed to take away his cruel edge. Maybe we’ll see some of that return for this game, after all he is with his chosen people. The Crackers of North Florida/South Georgia love a good fire and brimstone, hell raising tent revival and they love it even more when shoe pissing drunk. Mark may not be drunk for the game, but he will baptize a few Gators.

Georgia covers

Arkansas(-10) @ Vanderbilt   The  Hawgs provided us with our only loss last week by playing their worst game in two years. They better get it together, because Vanderbilt is not in the same pushover category as Ole Miss. The Commodores have a legitimate pass defense with 15 interceptions and are allowing less than 20 points a game. Arkansas, on the other hand, has thrown only four interceptions and is scoring nearly forty a game.  I really like what James Franklin is doing, but Bobby Petrino is one of the best coaches in the game.  Even more interesting will be how the Pigs, who come from a place where they play real country music, adapt to the overgrown Branson that Nashville has become. You can still get a good meal in Nashville,  if you can get past the junior Taylor Swift/Garth Brooks wannabes who are serving them, but don’t expect to see many Hank Williams, just a bunch of  Justin Timberlakes in cowgirl hats.

Arkansas covers

Mississippi State(-10.5) @ Kentucky   Oh shit. Will anyone actually watch this game?  I’d rather have a colonoscopy with a fire poker with a Polaroid barbwired to the tip. Kentucky has been a huge disappointment, while the Dogs  are finding that  even though Dan Mullen coached at Florida while Tebow was there, they still actually have to play good football to win, no matter what the media says. Flipping the coin……

Kentucky covers

South Carolina(-4) @ Tennessee    I’m really enjoying Derek Dooley’s act in Knoxville. He’s like a seven year old who just consumed a case of Pixie Stix. He is definitely his mother’s son. He rarely makes sense, but is highly entertaining. Maybe he just spent too many years within the circle of Les Miles’  force field, or maybe living in Louisiana does that to everybody. Maybe he could ask Urban about a chill pill, just don’t take his recommendation on the dosage.  Steve Spurrier is one of my favorite people in college football, but I don’t understand him either. Oh,  I get what he is saying, I just do not know what the hell he is doing. Sometimes I think, neither does he. These are two battered teams, with lots of troubles that go way beyond the injury list. The Gamecocks still have something to play for though and that is why I think……..

Tennessee covers

Ole Miss @ Auburn(-12)    How bad can this get? We have gone through the last turn of Houston Nutt’s Ole Miss career and are headed down the home stretch. I’ll hate it too. Nutt is one of the true characters of the SEC. One part imbecile, one part raving basket case, one part cute little puppy. I hope you enjoy your next job Rev., as an assistant at East Carolina. Auburn has a pretty talented running game, which will be better once they recruit an offensive line. Their pass defense really doesn’t exist. Ted Roof  needs a performance evaluation at the end of this year. The Tigers are still 20 points better than the Rebels, just by showing up. The toilet paper will be flying Saturday night.

Auburn covers

Missouri @ Texas A&M(-11)*    I know I’m supposed to be nice to our new neighbors and act like I care, but frankly, I just don’t give a shit. I don’t like this expansion a bit and I hope everyone who is for it is forced to go to College Station for a football game or a date to the 4-H Convention. It is like going to Tallahassee, just more so. I hate that 12th Man bit, I hate that whiny get no respect garbage. We already have Mississippi State for that, why do we need TAMU?  I just don’t even recognize that Missouri exists.  Gary Pinkel? The guy makes  Rick Perry (an Aggie boy by the way) look like a MENSA candidate.

OK, they are coming, so I’ll be polite. Just because A&M is favored, I’ll say….

Missouri covers

*Honorary

Resting, farting a lot, watching the proletariat, smoking designer doobage and awaiting THE Game of  Unending Analysis:

Alabama

LSU

Arkansas covers

Jacksonville State (-9) @ Kentucky   If you are a fan of the SEC, you may want hide your head in shame. The Cats are predicted to lose to a Division II team. Not D IAA,  D II.  Joker is fast attaining Tubby Smith popularity status in Lexington and they don’t even have an exciting player to draw attention away from the total ineptitude. Blocking? Nah. tackling? Please. Actually calling a play that makes sense? Come on. Right now, my buddy Little Earl is the best player in the Commonwealth and he can’t suit up. Too bad.  Still, are they really this bad? Everything says yes, but I think they keep it close.

Kentucky covers

Auburn @ LSU (-21)  The Bengals will be without the AstroTurf smoking 3, but I think they can still handle the Plainsmen. Auburn’s vaunted luck is aout to run out. This is LSU’s last tuneup for their big visit to Tuscaloosa and Les will pull out all the stops. By some fan estimates, the real battle here is Chizik’s Merlin vs Miles’ Rasputin, but just hold it there. This is a battle between possibly the best team in the country and one who has done surprisingly well while not being very good.  If Chizik wants his luck to continue on this trip, his best chance is to stop off at one of those backcountry gas station/mini casinos, like Bubba Beaux’s, and try his luck at keno.

LSU covers

Army @ Vandy (-10.5)    Vandy is favored by double digits. What does that tell you about Army? That is really all I know about the Knights, but I guess that is enough.  I”m getting the suspicion that James Franklin is treating this Vandy gig like a real college coaching job and the results so far have been a little better than expected. He’s winning the PR wars anyway. He started a whining rant last week and came out looking like the winner. Of course it was with the never popular Todd Grantham, but that just shows that Franklin knows how to pick his spots. He would have looked like a jerk screaming at Mark Richt’s halo.

Vandy covers

Tennessee Sucks @ Alabama (-29.5)  The Third Saturday in October seems to be permanantly ensconced on the fourth now, but that’s OK.  Nick Saban doesn’t even want to talk about that shit, he’s plotting a massacre. There is absolutely nothing good about this Vols team – offense sucks, defense sucks, coach is goofy, orange is almost as ugly as their cheerleaders, their team physician sells oxycontin out of the back of his Plymouth Fury, they aren’t as funny without Lane, Peyton Manning is a little bitch. The list goes on.  If you want to bet on this game, take the side bets – will Simms live through the second quarter? How mny yards will Jalston Fowler get on the ground? Will a Vol player marry his sister at half time?

Alabama covers

Idle – Florida, Georgia, Mississippi State, South Carolina – Viewers win when these teams don’t play.