Well, Nick Saban let me down, I didn’t go with my instincts on Houston the Nutt and try as he might, Lester couldn’t take us down. Dan Mullen showed us, as he has all year, that when the moon is aligned just right and if he crosses his eyes in a certain way, the Bulldogs are capable of making your life miserable. Gene Chizik and Gus Mazelingelsstein have Auburn on the right track. The Tiger D and a hip pointer put an end to the fund drive to build another museum to start housing Heismans on Paul Bryant Drive. I guess they will just have to build a new wing to put the second dozen National Championship trophies. All in all it has been a frustrating but fun year. We were 1 – 2 for the week, pulling the season record down to a measly 31 – 24 against the spread. That means that if you put a C-note on each game, with the 10% vig, you pocketed the princely sum of $46. That’s nothing to sneeze at. It will easily cover the price of two tickets to The Nick Saban Movie (otherwise known as The Blind Side) and a Coke and some Goo Goo Clusters to share. Now we are down to one more chance for some redemption – the National Semi Finals of American College Football.

ALABAMA vs. Florida (-5.5) This is a dangerous position to be in. You pick Bama and you are going against God’s Other Son and the Chosen People. This is Old Testament God too, despite the proselytizing and evangelical histrionics. These are people that can smite (or bite, kick and poke) you and you aren’t allowed to complain or smite back. The only thing these people know about football history is if your team committed the same penalty or had a player arrested in the last 30 years. Nothing else counts. Gator Nation is the most insecure bunch you will ever be around. They have been winners for such a short time that they aren’t sure how to handle it. The mere mention of a player from another team who may deserve some recognition is met with horror, indignation and a retreat to their bedroom to search the internet for some proof that none of this could be true. They give stripes for legal cases dropped. It is sad because they also have a damn good football team, one of the best ever, I’m told. I’m pretty sure it is the best team of the last few years. Their opponent, the Alabama Crimson Tide is just meat and potatoes, just another run of the mill football team with no superstars, dash runners and probably not even a virgin. I don’t know how they will compete, without even a sackful of putzes to display to Bob Davie, Gary Danielson and the others on those late night Skype video sessions.

Tuscaloosa does have a world famous rib joint, Dreamland. Gainesville has Hardees, which the Gators pronounce Har-DAYs. Tuscaloosa has a 92,000 seat stadium, which seats 92,000. Gainesville has a 90,000 seat stadium that seats 100,000. Tuscaloosa has as an alum who is the heir to the majority position in Coca Cola of America. Gainesville has Gator Aid, which is owned by Coca Cola. Tuscaloosa’s coach will still be there next year. The closest Florida’s coach will get to Gainesville after January is the Outback Bowl. But, Tuscaloosa is not the home of Tim Tebow. The kid may be the most annoying adolescent in history, but he can damn sure play football. If you buy his line of bullshit, he can be one inspirational dude. He heals himself, he can run and pass and he claims to have never been spoiled by female flesh. Of course, judging by some of his behavior, that may be no great sacrifice. Give this a thought – college boys like to brag about their sexual exploits. Tebow can honestly say, “I’ve turned down more than you’ve ever had.” Florida has another guy who, when not practicing ophthalmology or playing hop scotch on the heads of opposing players who happen to be on the ground, is one fine linebacker. Truly a dangerous man on the football field.

In response, Bama has Mount Cody, the world’s largest sex machine. In just two years on campus, Terence has turned Sorority Row into his personal harem. There are a couple of other guys – Ingram, McClain, some others, who are pretty good football players, but they haven’t turned their personal lives into a reality show, so they aren’t as well known as Florida’s missionary positioners.

We will hear a lot of talk this week about all of the variables in this game, what it will take to win. What it will take for Bama to win is to keep Greg McElroy from going out after a late hit, the zebras to put on their glasses and throw some flags and, most importantly, for Saban to have his boys disciplined enough to understand that winning the game is more important than winning the fight. ALABAMA covers.

Tags: College Football, College Football News, NCAA College Football, NCAA Football, SEC, SEC West Division, Southeastern Conference

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